My Google History Proves I’m Basically a Scientist

During the summer of 2019, I was considering finishing my college degree. I had dropped out in the late 1990s because I was a very poor college student and couldn’t afford to finish. Funny enough, my GPA would suggest I was a poor college student in more than one sense.

So at 2 a.m., in the middle of July 2019, I reapplied to the college I had attended. If I was accepted, I would finish my degree, and if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t. That certainly made the decision easier! lol

I was accepted and was successful in finishing my degree. In the spring of 2022, I was finishing my last class and preparing to graduate with a BS in psychology. And it occurred to me that psychology is a science… and since I was about to have a degree in psychology, I was about to be a scientist!

This idea delighted me and made me laugh. I am probably the least scientist-like person I know.

Of course, I had to tell everyone who asked that I was about to be a scientist. Sadly, some people argued that psychology isn’t a science, but that didn’t damper my enthusiasm.

Since psychology studies human behavior and the mind, it is a science. And psychology is defined as a science—particularly a social science—that’s good enough for me.

And so, now I’m an unscientist-like scientist! In my mind, scientists are asking questions like, “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” And then there is me wondering, “If zombies only eat brains, would they eventually adapt to eating other body parts when brains became limited?”

Only one of those topics can be researched scientifically, but I’ll leave you to figure that out!

I realize that my diploma, although a hard-earned piece of paper, doesn’t actually make me a scientist. But the combination of my degree in a science and my Google history may support the idea that I am a scientist.

Who can argue with a Google history like this?

• Is it possible that Asperger’s and PDD-NOS are caused by different gene mutations?
• Would cavemen potatoes have resembled rocks?
• Are people cremated naked?
• Do elephants cry?
• Is the consistency of earwax genetic?

Clearly, we are witnessing the inner workings of a great scientific mind! I don’t think I need any more proof to support my thesis….now I’m even talking like a scientist! I’d better go buy a lab coat. But don’t worry, I’m not applying for research grants anytime soon

Author’s note: No actual scientists were harmed (or consulted) in the writing of this blog post. I know science is far more serious—this is just me having a little fun with my new “scientist” title.