Both of the pieces I posted last week were a bit heavy—either emotionally or information-wise. So I’ve decided to write something lighter and yet useful: Massachusetts Decoded: Your Guide to Living, Loving, and Understanding What It Means to Be a Masshole.
I know you will all thank me, so you’re welcome in advance.
Unofficial Rule #1: Not Everything Is Boston
Boston is the capital of Massachusetts. It’s historic. It’s iconic. It’s very important. And very awesome.
But size-wise? It’s a very small part of the state.
So if you’re a traveling show, a lecturer—whatever—and you stand on a stage anywhere else in Massachusetts and yell, “Hello Boston!” … you sound kind of silly.
Unofficial Rule #2: “Masshole” Is Not a Cutesy Nickname
People from Massachusetts don’t have some adorable little state nickname. We’re Massholes. And we’re proud of it.
It can be an endearment or a criticism—sometimes both at the same time.
People from surrounding states may use it as an insult, but many of us wear it like a badge of honor.
And in case you were wondering, the Oxford Dictionary added “Masshole” in 2015.
We’re official!
Unofficial Rule #3: Not All of Us Sound Like That
For the record, I have NEVER said, “Pahk your cah in Harvard Yahd.”
That’s a Boston accent.
And as already established (see Rule #1)… Boston is a very small portion of Massachusetts.
Unofficial Rule #4: Kind of Chilly? Jacket Optional
This might be more of a New England thing than strictly Massachusetts, but still.
Forty-five degrees isn’t cold. If it’s windy, it might be a bit chilly—but not cold. And certainly not freezing.
In fact, a sunny 45-degree day in the middle of December, January, or February? That’s a New England heat wave.
Temperatures above 35 degrees may or may not require a jacket, depending on what you’re doing.
Getting the mail? Crossing a parking lot? Going from the house to the car? No jacket needed. I’ll just “run out real quick…”
Walking the dog? Building a snowman? Jackets are strongly recommended.
Shoveling snow? Dress in layers. Jacket recommended for the first 15–20 minutes. Then remove layers as needed to prevent sweating out half your body weight.
This is not science. It’s Masshole instinct.
Unofficial Rule #5: Do Not Get Storrowed
September means leaf peeping, apple picking, and pumpkin spice everything.
It also means college move-in.
And in Boston, college move-in means two things: more traffic… and the annual tradition of someone getting “Storrowed.”
Despite brightly lit signage, social media campaigns, news warnings, and an increased police presence, every year a few people are convinced they’ll be the exception—the one who can get their oversized moving truck under Storrow Drive.
They cannot.
Every year, a truck taller than nine feet meets a bridge that does not care about optimism.
And every year, someone gets Storrowed.
I’m convinced it’s the sheer embarrassment that keeps locals from even attempting it.
I had a few more unofficial rules, but this post was getting a bit long.
So I guess you’ll have to check back and see if I make a Part 2.
⭐ Like or share if you’ve ever worn shorts in 45 degrees or taken a detour you didn’t ask for.
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Brain Fog & Brilliance 
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