I know from a reader’s perspective, I seem pretty awesome. And don’t get me wrong—I am—but like everyone else, I put my pants on one leg at a time.
After all, what kind of maniac puts both legs in at once? Were your parents savage beasts? Or maybe you were raised by wolves?
I digress.
Back to my obvious awesomeness…
Like everyone else, I have things that get under my skin.
Some of them are silly—like waiting 20 minutes for a CVS receipt to print—and others are bigger… like having to shop at Walmart because they’re the only local store that sells my favorite gluten-free crackers.
And since my kids have a firm boundary against shopping at Walmart with me, I think you can understand how much going there annoys me.
Thankfully, I have mad coping skills, so it’s not often I yell at people or cause scenes in public.
Although I am very fond of muttering insults under my breath. I’m a pro at it.
But really… how many times can you mutter, come on, Karen, get it together?
I think one of my coping mechanisms is unique to me.
I’ve done it for as long as I can remember, but I didn’t realize the behavior was obvious to other people until about 10 years ago, when JP witnessed it and asked me what the hell I was doing…
I was in the pharmacy line at CVS (which I’m convinced is its own version of hell), looking down at my feet and walking in circles. Nothing too odd, right?
Maybe I forgot to mention I was lifting my feet like I was gently stomping.
Quietly.
BOOM… BOOM… BOOM.
My response? I leaned in and whispered, “Stepping on people.”
Thinking he misheard me, he asked, “What?”
I looked up at him and repeated, “Stepping on people.”
He looked at me like I was insane, shrugged, and said, “Okay.”
(Now who’s the weirdo, right?)
In my defense, I should probably explain what was happening in line ahead of me.
Apparently, it was weird, uncomfortable-in-public, ridiculous-question day at CVS.
One woman wanted to know why she couldn’t use a coupon from 2003… (because it’s 2015, and this isn’t Stop & Shop). Another guy kept asking if his prescription was ready after the pharmacist finished with each customer. (At one point, I was pretty sure the pharmacist considered throwing the medication out the drive-thru window, so no… still not ready.) And then there was the woman who would finish her transaction, start to walk away, and then turn back to ask if the pharmacist could check whether her husband, sister, or neighbor’s dog-wife had anything waiting.
It was a lot.
And I needed my medication, so I had to wait—so gently stomping seemed appropriate.
(Sadly, my prescription was an antibiotic—not take this and suddenly other people stop being weird and annoying. That would be a miracle drug.)
But my reprieve was short-lived. He asked again once we got into the car.
(Because we’re talk-in-the-privacy-of-the-car people… it’s a rule.)
I explained that I was becoming extremely annoyed by the people in line, so I imagined I was a giant monster.
It looked like I was stomping because I was—I was stomping on all the people asking ridiculous questions. The ones preventing me from leaving CVS hell.
It comforted me. It made the line feel shorter…
Because people flattened by a giant monster can’t really stand in line, right?
It helps. You should try it next time you’re at CVS or Walmart or stuck in an annoying situation that you can’t get out of immediately.
I know this probably seems weird, but I started doing it at a time when I thought this was one of those things I would never tell anyone.
Unfortunately, that category of things I say and do no longer seems to exist.
I’m thinking I might have lost my filter as I’ve aged.
And yes… I did have a filter at one time.
My dad made sure of it.
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Brain Fog & Brilliance 
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