Content Note: This post discusses the death of a young person, grief, and the aftermath of a fatal accident. Please read with care.
A few months ago, a young adult in my community was killed in a car accident.
This isn’t a member of my family or friend group, so I am not going to go into any details. Quite simply, it’s not my story to tell.
I am going to refer to this young adult only as CC.
I want to be clear that this post is not meant to cause the family any more pain.
I simply want people to think before they act. And I hope that if the family ever reads this, they know how deeply I feel for them and their loss, and that I wrote this to honor their child and extend my deepest sympathies.
One of my kids texted me to tell me that one of their friends had been killed in a car accident. For a “kid” in their twenties, learning that a friend or peer has died is incredibly shocking. There are so many confusing emotions surrounding death, and feeling those emotions all at once is overwhelming. Overwhelming, difficult, and potentially new for a young adult.
As if the shock and grief of losing a young person weren’t enough, CC was more than just a young member of the community or a graduate of the local high school. CC was someone’s child, a sibling, a student, a classmate, a friend, and a young person with a future. I know CC was far more than that to those who loved them.
It is tragic enough that CC’s life was cut short. What made the situation even more heartbreaking was seeing how quickly a private tragedy became public.
Someone publicly shared photographs from the accident scene.
CC’s parents saw those images.
They saw photographs that represented their child’s final moments.
Some moments deserve dignity. Some moments deserve privacy. And some moments deserve all of that and more—they should never be shared online.
Whether family members choose to see those last images should be their choice. Images of this sort should never pop up on someone’s social media feed. No one else has the right to share those images publicly.
This is behavior that I simply do not understand. And it is the behavior I wish to address.
Losing a loved one is difficult. Grief is difficult, especially when it involves the death of a child.
I’ve never lost a child, so I cannot relate to that profound and unnatural loss. It is something I cannot even begin to imagine.
Parents should not have to bury their children. And no parent should ever have to discover public images of the tragedy that took their child’s life.
At a time when a family is experiencing unimaginable grief, the focus should be on supporting one another, protecting their privacy, and honoring the life they have lost.
Not every moment needs to be photographed. Not every tragedy needs to be shared publicly. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is put down our phones, show compassion, and remember that we are witnessing another human being’s worst day.
A kind word, a smile, a gentle squeeze of someone’s hand or arm, or a simple hug are all ways we can show we care, especially when the emotions are too deep for words.
I realize that we have become desensitized to many things. But we have all experienced loss. I think we need to be more sensitive to other people’s feelings. Maybe we strive to bring back some of the values we learned as children: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
Maybe we update that old saying so it acknowledges today’s means of communication. If it isn’t kind, helpful, or yours to type, don’t hit send.
Maybe we think before we speak. And maybe we think about how our words and actions affect others.
And maybe we stop for a second. We stop and ask ourselves one simple question:
“How would I feel if I saw those images of someone I loved?”
How would I feel…
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